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Friday, July 17, 2009

Time for Change

I am entering the world of blogging to document my personal journey toward freedom and into the life I truly believe that God has chosen for me to live. At this very moment, I am making a vow that I am going to put the life of disordered eating behind me. Will it be easy? I am sure that it won't, but I know that the bible says, "With God, all things are possible." So, I am going to claim that verse and ask God to make living a life free of all eating disorders possible.

Here is a little background info to start us off. I am sure I will leave things out, but they will probably come out in later posts worries! In May 2000, I was diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa- only I didn't believen any of the doctors because I had NO idea what that was and all I was really trying to do was "Be healthy!" After multiple inpatient treatments, I discovered they (the doctors) were right. Although I was in inpatient treatment many times throughout the years, I was never fully recovered. I would make progress in treatment and then bail and get out of there ASAP. At some point along the way, I made the decision that I never wanted to go to inpatient again, so I ate. I have been able to maintain my weight for well over 5 years now, but I have a secret that many people don't know- or atleast it's the elephant in the room that no one ever talks about. I have been bingeing for those 5 years.

With every binge I have, I tell myself that it will be the last one. I tell myself that I just want to do it one more time and fully enjoy it and then I will stop. But clearly, it has never been the last time, despite the promises that it will be. I have known for years that it's not about the food. I know that I have "issues" that must be causing the bingeing. To be honest, it feels like too much effort and feels too scary to figure it out. I mean, what if I can't figure it out? That's a crappy excuse if i've ever heard one....and that's why I am starting this blog.

I am starting it as my personal B.S. (and we all know what that stands for) detector. I am going to use the blog to document my daily progress, challenges, struggles, and celebrations. we go!

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