Good Morning World! I am pretty pumped because in about 9 more hours I will get to see Wonderful Boyfriend. Wonderful Boyfriend has been working since yesterday at 6 am and is still working now, at 8:22 am. And, he will most likey remain working until atleast 11am. Poor Wonderful Boyfriend! Know what else stinks??? He has to be back to work tomorrow at 8am and work until 10pm. Doesn't that break your heart? Maybe not, but it sure does break mine!
So...I woke up today and within minutes I realized that last night I vowed that it would be my "last binge". Then I remembered that, "K...it's always the 'last bing'. So, no worries, you can do it again whenever you want." A sigh of relief, but then I came to a little more and thought, "NO!!! That WAS the last binge! Not because I can't do it again, because let's face it we can all binge whenever we want to, however much we want to, for as longs as we want to. But, we also ALL have access to power that can help us NOT binge." So, I am staying committed to my promise. I am going to rely on the power that I know God is going to give me to eat healthfully today (side note: by healthfully I mean all things in MODERATION) So, for the first time in a really long time, when I go out with Wonderful Boyfriend tonight, I am NOT going to try to control the food that we eat (Another side note: I am not going to whine, pout, and insist that we go to restaurant x, y, or z) so that I have enough calories "left over" to binge when I get home. Instead, I am going to focus on being "in the moment" (flash back to inpatient terms) and enjoy the night that we have together.
Oh....I found a little something, something that worked great for me last night. I am SURE that it has some fancy schmancy name that psychologists use, but I don't know it so I am going to call it..... Stop, Lift, and Trust. (Nope...not stop, drop, and roll...that's for fires!) I usually just worry and worry and worry, and you know what? I usually don't even notice that I am worrying. Well, last night while I was going to sleep. I felt a lot of tense muscles in my body and some anxiety. I tuned into my thoughts (don't ask me how) and I noticed that I was having all sorts of thoughts such as, "What if I go way over my calories when I stop trying to control what I eat?" "What if I totally screwed up the paper I just wrote and it's nothing like what the professor wanted?" "What if Wonderful Boyfriend wants to eat at the fair and there's only super high calorie foods?" "What if after I eat all of that high calorie stuff (side note: I am ok with eating high calorie foods- but here comes the fear----) I still end up bingeing." That's when I told myself, or rather I told the binge monster and profectionist to STOP!!!! I then lifted up all of the worries to God and I trusted that it will all be ok. Right then, I was calm. Now, I know that the binge monster and profectionist aren't neccessarily going to just go away so easily, but next time they come around, I am going to Stop, Life, and Trust.
Here's to Day One of The Rest of My Binge Free Life!!!