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Monday, May 17, 2010

Holy cow! Where have the past 10 months gone? I can't believe that I started this blog nearly a year ago. I know that I only posted a few entries, within a couple of days of each other and then **POOF** I stopped, but I have very good reasons!

In the past 10 months, A LOT has happened in my life. I will give a very quick and brief recap, which I may/may not elaborate on in the near/distant future.

August 2009- Started my 5th year as a kindergarten teacher and celebrated my 1 year anniversary with Wonderful Boyfriend!!! **Swooooooon**

September 2009- I experienced the WORST day of my life. On September 25, 2009, my 24 year old brother decided that the only way to end the emmense pain he was feeling was to end his life and he commited suicide. The last days of September and much of the 3 months following were so full of sadness, anger, grief, questions, etc.

October 2009- I started RCIA classes to learn more about the Catholic faith.

November 2009- Celebrated the first Thanksgiving without Best Younger Brother.

December 2009- Had the best Christmas ever with Wonderful Boyfriend despite missin Best Younger Brother.

January 2010- Celebrated New Years with Wonderful Boyfriend and he told me that we have A LOT to look forward to this year...could it be?!?!...YEP!!!! :)

February 2010- Celebrated 1 and 1/2 year anniversary with Wonderful Boyfriend. :)

March 2010- Turned 29 years old....eeeek!

April 2010- Was confirmed and became Catholic.

May 2010- Graduated with a Master's degree.

It's been a tragic, sad, happy, exciting, wonderful, worst past 10 months. I have to confess that during the past 10 months, much of the time I have been bingeing, and I don't mean eating past the point of comfort. I mean stuffing myself with food to get that high...and I have noticed that since I first started bingeing, it now takes more and more food to get that high. That's becauce bingeing only provides a very short lived how can I get a lasting high, peace, joy, guessed it...GOD!!! And, I want to make a recommitment to do that now! Today! Not tomorrow...NOW!!! I confess that I binged last night on 2 pints of ice cream and 4 candy bars, all because I wanted that high and that comfort that I always get from allowing myself to binge. But, today is a new day. I had a healthy balanced breakfast and lunch and I even ran 3 miles. I almost just typed "but I am not a runner." But, you know what, that's a very negative thing to say, being that I conquered 3 miles. So, instead I am going to say, "I am becoming a runner!"

Oh yeah, I would also like to note that while I was in therapy a looooong time ago, I stopped going after I left Renfrew. But, after my brother died, I knew that whether I felt like it was going to affect my life, it would...maybe only subconciously now, but it would. And, I didn't want to develop issues that would affect me, Wonderful Boyfriend, and our future family years down the road. So, I started going to therapy again. We have worked a lot on grief and last week, we decided it's time to start working on self esteem. My assignment...make a list of positive qualities. So, I will be posting that shortly. Ultimately, I think I need God esteem. Knowing who God created me to be, knowing God, knowing God's power, knowing God's love and knowing that God will always protect, love and sustain me!