4.4.11

I am so thankful that God created me.
I am thankful that he wanted me.
I am thankful that God knit me in my mothers womb.
I am thankful that God made me in HIS image because HE is AMAZING!
I am thankful that God loves me so much and died for my sins so that I could live free of sin.
I am thankful that God give me freedom for all sin.
I am thankful that God loves me so much.
I am thankful that God is and always will be there for me.
I am thankful that God is all knowing and all powerful.
I am thankful that God called me to Him.
I am thankful that God wants to mold me into the image He created me to be.
I am thankful that God blesses me each and every day.
I am thankful that God is the ultimate comforter.
I am thankful that God is my healer.
I am thankful that God is my protector.
I am thankful that God is my creator.
I am thankful that God is my savior.
I am thankful that God is my strength.
I am thankful that God is more powerful thank anything.
I am thankful that God can work miracles.
I am thankful that God's power and love is far beyond what any of us will every be able to comprehend, because we all want more love and need more love and power than anything we know can give us. We need the love and power of God and God alone!
I am thankful that God is God!
I am thankful that God loves me and I love God!

10 things

I slipped on keeping up on this, but I'm here today. And, I have been MUCH more concious about the things that I am thankfulo for...even if I didn't type them out. Here are 10 things I am thankful for today!

1. I am thankful for my AMAZING fiance!!! He makes me feel so loved everyday. He truly is the other half of my soul and I am SO blessed to be marrying him in 123 more days!!!

2. I am thankful for my aunt C. I only see her 1-2 times per year because she lives so far away, but I always feel her close in my heart.

3. I am thankful for the beautiful sunshine and warmth today. It is such a mood lifter.

4. I am thankful for the job offer. Even though I didn't take the job, it was nice to be wanted there and it helped me realize that God's in control and in His timing He will lead me to where I need to be.

5. I am thankful for a new desire to become healthier and stop the binge behavior all together.

6. I am thankful that binges no longer are "fun". - yes...they were once "fun" to me.

7. I am thankful for nail polish. It may sound silly, but I love painting my nails fun colors.

8. I am thankful for the time with my fiance last night. We went for coffee and tea and had an amazing time.

9. I am thankful for the card my fiance gave me yesterday on our 31 month dating anniversary. He started the tradition of giving me a card on our 1 month dating anniversary and we've given each other cards on each anniversary since. I love sharing our thoughts and feelings every month!

10. I am thankful that God ALWAYS promises to take care of us. He loves us, protects us, is our strength, is our courage, give us hope, gives us peace, gives us joy and we can ALWAYS count on HIM! God is so great!

My daily 10

10 things that I am thankful for today are...

1. A second job interview. I pray that God's will is done!

2. My fiance picking up chipotle and bringing it over to dinner within 3 minutes of me getting home from a long day when I was soooo hungry.

3. My fiance holding me in his arms this evening! I LOVE being in his arms! I feel so safe and secure and loved!

4. The huge smile on my fiance's face when he saw me for the first time today and the huge hug and kiss he gave me!

5. Hot/warm showers. They are so relaxing.

6. Back rubs! My fiance gives the best back rubs. In fact, they are so good that even when he doesn't give me one, I can just close my eyes, imagine/remember how it feels and i'm relaxed.

7. The sun was out today and it felt amazing on my skin as I was riding home from work.

8. Tomorrow is a jeans day at work and the last day of the week for students.

9. Tortillas...that's my favorite part of the chipotle burrito.

10. That it's March 1st and my bridal shower is only 19 days aways!

10 things I am greatful for today...

1. I am thankful that the new girl I got in my class is polite and sweet.

2. I am thankful that I got to talk to my fiance for a while before he had to go into work tonight.

3. I am thankful that God stopped the thunderstorms last night and I was able to get a few hours of sleep.

4. I am thankful that the thunderstorms didn't turn into tornados.

5. I am thankful that even though I didn't want to, God helped me to eat a healthy dinner, rather than binge.

6. I am thankful for the sweet text my fiance sent me that said, "I really love u!"

7. I am thankful that this is a 3 day week with the students and 2 inservice days, and 2 dress down days!

8. I am thankful for a wonderful mother-in-law to be. She shows me that she loves me often.

9. I am thankful that tonight is the last night of "night float" for my finace and tomorrow he'll be back to working days.

10. I am thankful for the presence of God I felt today! I'm off to spend time with Him now!

What am I thankful for today?

Today I am thankful for so many things...here are 10.

1. I am thankful for having my fiance in my life. He makes me laugh, feel, and love like I NEVER have before and I LOVE that I get choked up when expressing my feelings for him, because they are so deep. (We were at Engagement Encounter all weekend and I cried multiple times out of pure love and joy!!! It was the greatest feelings I have ever felt!)

2. I am thankful for knowing God! I am thankful that God revealed himself to me so clearly about 9 years ago and has remained so clear since.

3. I am thankful God is so loving and amazing. I want to tap into that love more. Today I realized that EVERY moment of EVERY day, God's love for me is overflowing and I rarely take time to experience it. It's time!

4. I am thankful that God reveals areas in my life that He needs and wants to heal. Today, He revealed my insecurity and how that affects my relationships and other areas of my life, the life He has blessed me with. I am offering that up to God to heal and asking that He help me find my security in Him!

5. That brings me to this... I am so thankful that God offers us security! He is all knowing, all powerful, and so loving and merciful! God will protect us, love us, care for us and take care of us. He will mend our hurts, celebrate in our joys, and provide for all of our needs- emotional needs included!

6. I am thankful for summer. With all this cold weather and snow, I am remembering how much I love and appreciate summer, warm weather, and sunshine!

7. I am thankful for a knowledge of nutrition and health. I thank God for blessing me with this knowledge and I ask that He help me use the knowledge to take care of the body that He has given to me, to be His vessel!

8. I am thankful for people who are followers of God. They offer such insight and support as we walk together through life striving to live for God!

9. I am thankful for the time that my fiance and I have together, doing daily readings, praying, and doing daily devotions. I am so thankful that we both love God so much!

10. I am thankful for the Engagement Encounter weekend my fiance and I had together. Some parts were tough and I noticed fear crept in...fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of getting hurt. But, I am thankful that my fiance and I had that time to share our deepest thoughts and feelings with each other. I am thankful that we learned more about each other. I am thankful that we were given guidance and resources to help us build a strong marriage and most of all, I am thankful that God will be the foundation of our marriage and that God's plan for marriage is so beautiful and lifegiving!!!

Do I live through others?

As I went to make a post, I thought...nah! I don't need to write, I read other people's blogs...and a heck of a lot of them at that. BUT...then I thought....Wait a minute. I avoid my own thoughts/feelings and instead read lots of other people's blogs. Ouch! Did God just give me a love tap with a 2 X 4? Wait...do I really do this? Yes. I do. I spend countless hours each day reading other people's blogs. I do it because I do enjoy reading them. But, it also takes up a lot of time that I could be thinking and feeling my own thoughts and feelings. Likewise, I think I live vicariously through other people's blogs. I don't want to sound like a weirdo stalker, but I follow blogs pretty closely (guess I have a lot of thoughts/feelings to avoid). I "live through them" going on vacations, getting married, having babies, training for and running marathons, eating things I don't let myself eat (unless it's during a planned binge), etc.

I am actually glad that I just became aware of this. Because I have a GREAT life of my own and I haven't been fully living it. Of course, like everyone else, there are parts of life that just plain stink-o-rino (like fiance working 12 hour nights this month and being super duper tired from lack of sleep...poor guy!), but overall, I have soooo many wonderful things in my life. I want to start living. I want to start experiencing life. Not "the world" per say, but real, true, life that God gave me and wants me to live EVERY SINGLE DAY!!!

So, for the next 30 days, I am going to have the kick off to "Live your life challenge". I am also going to start a 30 day, "I am thankful for life" challenge. Each day, I will focus on being in the present moment and living my life THAT DAY (not the past and not too much in the future...with the obvious wedding prep and excitement of course :)) and I will end each day with a list of 10 things I am greatful for that day.

Today, I am greatful for...
1. God and the AMAZING life he offers each and everyone of us.
2. Fiance ~ He's the funniest, sweetest, most caring, hardworking person I have ever met and he loves and cares for me so much.
3. Job interview tomorrow ~ prayers that it goes well and I am able to show them a glimpse of God (fyi that's another goal to show people God, because He is AMAZING!)
4. Water. It tastes so good when I'm super thirsty and makes me feel refreshed.
5. My sister ~ she's always stuck by me and understands me the most, out of all my family members.
6. Desire to stop binge eating.
7. God's promise that no temptation is too great to overtake us, who belong to Him, and make us give into it.
8. My Aunt Cheryl ~ I need to reconnect with her, but she's like a twin of me and I can tell her anything.
9. Fiance's family ~ They have welcomed me into their family and treat me with great love!
10. Cody and Ashley ~ They are the cutest, sweetest kids and always make me smile.

Holy cow! Where have the past 10 months gone? I can't believe that I started this blog nearly a year ago. I know that I only posted a few entries, within a couple of days of each other and then **POOF** I stopped, but I have very good reasons!

In the past 10 months, A LOT has happened in my life. I will give a very quick and brief recap, which I may/may not elaborate on in the near/distant future.

August 2009- Started my 5th year as a kindergarten teacher and celebrated my 1 year anniversary with Wonderful Boyfriend!!! **Swooooooon**

September 2009- I experienced the WORST day of my life. On September 25, 2009, my 24 year old brother decided that the only way to end the emmense pain he was feeling was to end his life and he commited suicide. The last days of September and much of the 3 months following were so full of sadness, anger, grief, questions, etc.

October 2009- I started RCIA classes to learn more about the Catholic faith.

November 2009- Celebrated the first Thanksgiving without Best Younger Brother.

December 2009- Had the best Christmas ever with Wonderful Boyfriend despite missin Best Younger Brother.

January 2010- Celebrated New Years with Wonderful Boyfriend and he told me that we have A LOT to look forward to this year...could it be?!?!...YEP!!!! :)

February 2010- Celebrated 1 and 1/2 year anniversary with Wonderful Boyfriend. :)

March 2010- Turned 29 years old....eeeek!

April 2010- Was confirmed and became Catholic.

May 2010- Graduated with a Master's degree.

It's been a tragic, sad, happy, exciting, wonderful, worst past 10 months. I have to confess that during the past 10 months, much of the time I have been bingeing, and I don't mean eating past the point of comfort. I mean stuffing myself with food to get that high...and I have noticed that since I first started bingeing, it now takes more and more food to get that high. That's becauce bingeing only provides a very short lived high...so how can I get a lasting high, peace, joy, etc....you guessed it...GOD!!! And, I want to make a recommitment to do that now! Today! Not tomorrow...NOW!!! I confess that I binged last night on 2 pints of ice cream and 4 candy bars, all because I wanted that high and that comfort that I always get from allowing myself to binge. But, today is a new day. I had a healthy balanced breakfast and lunch and I even ran 3 miles. I almost just typed "but I am not a runner." But, you know what, that's a very negative thing to say, being that I conquered 3 miles. So, instead I am going to say, "I am becoming a runner!"

Oh yeah, I would also like to note that while I was in therapy a looooong time ago, I stopped going after I left Renfrew. But, after my brother died, I knew that whether I felt like it was going to affect my life, it would...maybe only subconciously now, but it would. And, I didn't want to develop issues that would affect me, Wonderful Boyfriend, and our future family years down the road. So, I started going to therapy again. We have worked a lot on grief and last week, we decided it's time to start working on self esteem. My assignment...make a list of positive qualities. So, I will be posting that shortly. Ultimately, I think I need God esteem. Knowing who God created me to be, knowing God, knowing God's power, knowing God's love and knowing that God will always protect, love and sustain me!